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Anxiety and A&E

So... the past few days I have been having quite a lot of anxiety surrounding some pain and sensations in my right hand chest. I have written about this in a bit more detail in some of my pages, however wanted to share a quick update to my posts.  I had an intermittent pain between the right shoulder blade and my spine...a common pneumothorax symptom, and I had a dull ache in my side with a very persistent grinding sensation in my chest, which was quite familiar in feeling to the bubbling sensation I had during a collapsed lung.  I went online as you do to seek some reassurance and kept telling myself it was probably just a dull muscular ache. The spirometer level looked good and I had a lot of messages from people on Facebook groups who responded to my concerned post and told me it was probably nothing and quite normal.  Despite all this however, I found myself in A&E yesterday to get checked out. The anxiety was causing me issues, probably more than anything else, so I figur
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Globulus hystericus.... or That lump in throat feeling

Ok, so this is really starting to get on my nerves now and has been brought to my attention after experiencing this feeling quite badly during a short walk to the post office today. It made me feel quite unfit and a little panicked.  I have a feeling in my throat (not sure if I have mentioned this before) and it feels like a ball or a small tablet is just lodged in my throat and won't go down. It feels as though it is in the back of the throat and feels worse when I press the part of the neck at the base which dips inwards between the collar bones. It isn't painful at all, just a really unpleasant feeling which makes it feel like you can't swallow or breathe properly (even though I can). As you can imagine, feeling like you can't breathe after lung surgery isn't so great!  From what I have read online this is due to an inflammation of the muscles in the throat and is likely due to anxiety or stress . Another possibility is that it is reflux acid. The strange thi
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Online forums, use them wisely.

So like most people who suffer from a condition that isn't very common, I went online to seek more information and answers. A lot of the info is the same and doesn't really give much in terms of what you ca expect to experience...hence the blog, however I have found a few forums on Facebook which have been helpful in terms of personal experience. At least it started out that way. Don't get wrong, it is still great to know there are other people to talk to and ask advice of, but at the same time it has also led me to become more anxious. By reading other people's stories, you inevitably come across those whose stories are worse, and who share their experience in order to help others. This is a good thing, don't get me wrong. But I think at the moment in my recovery I am in a position whereby I feel like I am waiting for it all to go wrong. For some reason I can't just accept that I suffered a relatively rare condition, got treatment, and now I'm ok. I don
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First normal day in a long time!

So despite my last post being pretty positive in terms of how I felt about my recovery, there were still things on my mind and these crept up on me on the very same night. I went to bed and in all honesty I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I was fed up of not being able to dress normally, due to these silly socks and not being able to wear a bra. I mean its summer and I can't wear shorts, dresses or sandals! It may sound silly, but when you are going for a meal dressed in a track suit bottoms and a vest top, you really do still feel like a patient. It was also getting me down that despite feeling like things are going well, all in all I haven't done anything really really fun in months, since about Febuary in fact, when my lung first collapsed. I haven't had a dance on a night out, I haven't been able to really enjoy a day in town due to back ache and generally recovery gripes, I haven't got dressed up for anything, basically I feel quite boring. We st
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4 weeks since discharged!

So it's been four weeks since I was allowed to go home and just under five since the surgery. All in all I think I'm doing pretty well, especially when I consider that after reading a lot of blogs pre-op I was expected up to a three month recovery of hell! Today was quite a good milestone too, no painkillers until 6:30pm!!! And that was only after quite a fast paced walk that I think rattled the ribs a bit. The arm is still giving me some grief but I often don't notice it for a while at a time....usually worse on an evening when I'm more relaxed. Anyhow....just wanted to say, one month on and feeling pretty good :)
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Some drawing therapy

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Had a go at some drawing this week as it is something my boyfriends dad suggested. It gives me something to do and work on as I am not doing much else during the day. The one of the cottage has been drawn from a photo I took on a camping trip to Cornwall last year. The one of the pebbles and shells was drawn today whilst at the beach. It was a nice wander along the Thames Estuary and not only gave me something to focus on, it also got me out and doing some exercise in the sunshine! Have a bit of back ache now as I was carrying bags (not a rucksack) but I guess it will never strengthen again without exercise. Found that the drawing has helped with some of the anxiety I sometimes get. Still don't feel quite right in my chest and keeping an eye on things, think I need to remind myself sometimes though that I am in recovery and things will likely hurt and feel strange for a little while. Still ...my super anxious self can't help but worry about chest infections and pulmonary
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Made it up another hill :)

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Not the easiest walk. A slightly longer and more gradual slope which actually made it harder. Doesn't help that I can't take a deep breath due to my neck and shoulder pain either :/ but I made it :) and will now chill on a bench for a while!
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